Poly? All About the Love - Not Sex

There is something to be said about the poly lifestyle. It’s not easy, but the amazing love you experience is far beyond the earthly realm. 

One of my dear friends and I were discussing this, and she put it perfectly. Storm, I hope I quote you correctly. She said that too often, sex and love are misunderstood. Sex is natural and sacred, but love? Love is holy!

That’s what it feels to be poly. So many think it’s about jumping in bed with every person you find sexy and attractive, but it’s not! It’s about connecting on a deep level with another human being to which there is a connection. 

I believe that we have many more than one soul mate. Each soul mate comes from a different “come from” and brings a piece of themselves in their heart. Perhaps, they are a former lover from another lifetime, or a future lover from another dimension. (That's just my mind over working, again) Whatever their “come from” is, when you connect, it’s instant recognition. Magic! Yes, there may be a physical attraction. But it is so much deeper. As Storm said, it’s holy! 

To realize the connection at so many different soul levels, raises the heart chakra to a much different vibration. It is about love – magical love! 

Each person I love, I love completely and (w)holy! There are pieces of myself that share the intimate, the sacred. When I am with someone I love, I am 100% all there. Being poly? No, it’s not about the sex, it’s about love – holy love!

It’s not about being promiscuous or cheating or being addicted to sex. Sex is not the reason for being poly. It’s about loving openly and freely and recognizing that part of myself that is beautiful and whole and complete! It is about being Love! 

Love? It’s holy and sacred! To feel love at such a level! All I can say is Wow! 

So, those of you that don’t understand? That’s all right. I don’t expect you to. What I do expect is non-judgment and understanding and tolerance. Oh, and if you don’t understand, ask! There is nothing wrong with asking about that which you don’t understand. But? keep your preachy thoughts to yourself. Thank you very much! 

Why I Write Erotica

First of all, let’s get this straight.  For all of my bravado and my openly sensual nature and, yes, my wildness, I am a woman who feels emotions immensely - hurt, laugh, love, and anger! Ok, now that we have that straight, let’s go on, shall we?

My readers have asked me why I started writing erotica, and my general answer is that it is just so much damn fun!  But that is on the surface.  You see, I write erotica because there is a need.

Women and sensuality have been portrayed as shameful and dirty – even to the extent of gross double standards.  Men are portrayed as having voracious sexual appetites, and women, at least most my age, have been told that it is our duty to pleasure our man.  But where does our pleasure happen?  Sorry, but I am not willing to just lie there and take it.  Uh, uh! No way!  Because you see, if my lover wants a robot that will let him receive all kinds of pleasure and he does not allow me mine, then he is out the door! That is if he is not open to suggestions, so to speak.  

In my sexual awakening a couple of years ago, I realized that part of the reason I had not enjoyed sex in my life was because of a lifetime of programming that sex was dirty and shameful.  This not only came from the most important man in my life growing up – my father – but from the religion in which I was raised. Women were not to enjoy sex; it was only for procreation. 

You know the routine – the man is the head of the house and can do as he wishes at all times.  The woman cooks, cleans, and takes care of the babies along with being his occasional whore to do with as he pleases.  And she had better do this with smiles and the pretense of enjoyment.  Learning to fake an orgasm was Sex 101 in my sex education as a girl. And if the little woman did not pretend to enjoy sex and tell her man what a great lover he was, well, he could go outside to any woman, enjoy himself, and the little woman better be glad he came home to her.

Well, I realized that type of mentality not only created oppression and misery, but did not allow me to fully accept my feminine nature.  I learned how to pleasure myself, since my man could not.  And in realizing just how empty my sex life was, I opened to lovers.  But not just any lover will do.  I am particular. 

I will not suffer a man who thinks I am there strictly for his pleasure and gives little concern for mine.  I will not suffer a man who does not respect me as a woman or as an equal.  I will not suffer a man who thinks so highly of himself that he carries a double standard.  Not me!  

Do I submit?  Oh, I love to give control over to a lover that respects me.  You see, my submission is a gift and one that I hold with high regard.  The man that gets to dominate me sexually understands that and respects that.  The man to whom I offer power exchange realizes just how precious my gift to him is.  The man to whom I give control receives immense pleasure from me because it gives me pleasure to call him Sir and to offer myself to him.  The man to whom I give control treats me like the precious treasure I am.  And the minute he takes that gift for granted, well … I take my submission back.  

You see, for me, the role of submissive is one that I do not take lightly.  Do not demand my submission because I will look you in the face and laugh …. Hard! When I offer it, take me with care, protection, and respect.  Then, and only then, will you fully know my gift.

So, this is being Camille.  This is why I write erotica.  It is more of a teaching tool for women and men who desire pleasure and infinite ecstasy – that of being a lover.  That is why I write erotica. 

Early this Summer

There once was a time when I was so insecure in myself as a woman, a lover, and a partner that I doubted my value and worth.  And then something started within myself this last year, and I started seeing myself in a brand new light.

It happened early in the summer.  I was on romantic weekend with my lover, and not feeling particularly good about how I looked.  Stress eating had become my norm, and it started showing.  My lover scheduled a beautiful room on the Sacramento River where we could be together completely without the distractions of real life.  

I walked into the room with him right behind me and fell in love with the feel.  The bed was king size with goose down comforters and Egyptian cotton linens.  There was a view of the Sacramento River at sunset. The bathtub was large oval – perfect for two.  As he brought in our luggage, he set it down and walked over to me with such love and passion and desire, I held my breath.

Then he started undressing me, not only with his eyes, but with his hands.  I pulled away because the light from the day was shining in and I was ashamed of my overweight body.  When I pulled away, he just smiled and let me be.  No words were spoken as he walked over to the window and pulled the room darkening drapes closed.  He got me!

From there, he led me to the bed and kissed me with the most amazing passionate kiss.  He gently lay me on the bed, and started undressing me.  This time, he spoke, “Camille, you are the most beautiful, sexy woman I have ever met.  I love every inch and every curve of your body and this weekend, I intend to explore it just as I want you to explore mine.”  Wow!  And he meant it!

There was one point in the weekend when I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself nude in the full length mirror.  I wanted to see myself as he did.  I thought he was asleep, but he walked behind me and put his arms around me.  As he touched me, his eyes locked on mine and I let him lead the way.  I saw myself for the first time through his eyes. The rest of the weekend was life changing for me.  I started seeing myself in a brand new light.  

Shortly after, our romance soured.  There were other factors there that had not been dealt with, but I started really looking at me – my sensuality, my beauty, my worth, and my value.  Another love came into my life that does not see me that way.  There seems to be an ideal to which I cannot meet of a very slender young hard body.  I am a middle-aged curvy experienced woman.  Frankly, I do not want to be that young hard body – I want to be myself, period.  

This relationship is physical only and does not seem to have the same respect as the other.  I know he is drawn to younger women that are what society sees as beautiful.  Oh, don’t get me wrong. I am pretty and attractive and sexy, and I love to flirt.  But I am not looking for one night stands, even though they can be amazing and fun.  I want a real connection with a man that cares for me, respects me, and desires me (not just my body and what it can do for him).  I love this new lover, but I am not sure he feels the same nor am I sure if there is respect and honor for me, as a woman.  I am not sure he can give me what I desire. I have no judgment about it or him.  Whatever passes, it will be what it will be.  

But one thing for sure, I love myself.  And I love my curves.  I deserve the very best and I deserve the kind of lover that I desire.  I will not settle for anything less.  I am changing my eating habits – not to become the young hard body that graces the erotica sites, magazines, and minds of society, but to become the healthiest I can be. And as for my lover?  If he cannot love me as I am now, then he does not deserve me at all.

That’s Being Camille!