I cannot believe that it is a new
year already. Welcome 2015! Right?
There is a lot to be said about
ending a year on a positive note, and, frankly, often it is healing. Something
happened yesterday that was the culmination of the painful lessons I learned in
2014. That is what I want to talk to my readers about today.
One of the most painful lessons I
learned last year was abandonment and all of the stuff I had buried within.
That included memories of growing up that filtered into my personal life in a
very big way. Without going into the details, suffice it to say that fear of
being abandoned and pushed away by someone I loved was a great teacher.
Not only did my fears result in
causing pain in someone I loved and causing a pulling away, but also bringing
up long buried memories. These fears found their voices in my poetry, and as
such, found their voices shared on Twitter through poetry prompts and stories.
What was so wonderful about the
lessons were the gains – not the losses. I was published last year for the
first time in e-Innovate Magazine’s November issue and featured by @timitude on
his #CreativeMondays website.
Tim,
founder of Creative Mondays even voted me in his “25 Timspirational People for2014!” I am very grateful and value and treasure this
lesson the most.
So, now, to get to last night’s
drama! Part of the buried memories that made their way to the light are
traumatic abuse memories from my childhood. As a final purge, I decided to put
a little of that pain into a poem. This poem was painful to write, but because
so many of my readers and fans have experienced the same, I pushed through the
pain and wrote it anyway.
I have shared with the
#CreativeMondays family that my erotic writing is not always about the sex, but
about providing healing for things that have affected myself and my readers on
very deep levels. Keeping that in mind, I anxiously posted the poem on my blog,
The Wylde Syde, and shared the link on my Twitter account.
What occurred afterward shook me
to the core and caused me to relive many of the memories about which I was
intending to purge. I received several Direct Messages attacking not only my poem,
but my intentions behind sharing it. I was called names and accused of just
wanting attention, but the worst accusations were these three:
“You are a disgusting cunt that probably
deserved whatever your father did to you!”
“What a fucking slut you are! You
will burn in hell!”
But the worst accusation and attacks said
this: “You WHORE! If I were your father, I would have raped you over and over
until you lie bleeding on the floor. In fact, SLUT! Someone should do that to
you now!”
I did not save screenshots of
these, but I remember their words because I could not stop reading them. I
simply could not believe that anyone would write such vicious words to someone
who obviously suffered extreme abuse and incest from her father.
I did have the insight to report
these jerks, but blocked them right away. I wish I had remembered to take
screenshots for the police, but I reacted and deleted them.
I did contact a friend who is a
police chief in a nearby town, and with his help, have contacted Twitter. It
seems that they can access their database to find them anyway, so I will pursue
it from there. So, if these guys are reading this blog post now, I have a
message for you!
You left your footprint in
Twitter records, and you will be found! The jerk that wrote the third message
will be pursued for cyber bullying and as a threat. You will be found!
Now, with that all being said, I
removed the link to the post last night and took a step back. My first instinct
was to leave Twitter altogether and never write the way I write any longer. But
many of my friends and followers stood up for me even without knowing the full
language or what was written. They encouraged me to keep going.
After a night of tears and hurt
turning to anger and resolve, I refuse to let these guys take away my dream of
sharing myself with people. I refuse to let just a few put me back into a
cowering position out of which I have fought so hard to climb. I write this
blog this evening and share the link to the poem as an InYourFace, KissMyAss,
TakeThat attitude.
For my friends and fans, I say:
DO NOT let bullies have their
way! Be strong and fight back! That’s what I’m doing!
