Not Giving In

I cannot believe that it is a new year already. Welcome 2015! Right?

There is a lot to be said about ending a year on a positive note, and, frankly, often it is healing. Something happened yesterday that was the culmination of the painful lessons I learned in 2014. That is what I want to talk to my readers about today.

One of the most painful lessons I learned last year was abandonment and all of the stuff I had buried within. That included memories of growing up that filtered into my personal life in a very big way. Without going into the details, suffice it to say that fear of being abandoned and pushed away by someone I loved was a great teacher. 

Not only did my fears result in causing pain in someone I loved and causing a pulling away, but also bringing up long buried memories. These fears found their voices in my poetry, and as such, found their voices shared on Twitter through poetry prompts and stories. 

What was so wonderful about the lessons were the gains – not the losses. I was published last year for the first time in e-Innovate Magazine’s November issue and featured by @timitude on his #CreativeMondays website. 

Tim, founder of Creative Mondays even voted me in his “25 Timspirational People for2014!” I am very grateful and value and treasure this lesson the most.

So, now, to get to last night’s drama! Part of the buried memories that made their way to the light are traumatic abuse memories from my childhood. As a final purge, I decided to put a little of that pain into a poem. This poem was painful to write, but because so many of my readers and fans have experienced the same, I pushed through the pain and wrote it anyway. 

I have shared with the #CreativeMondays family that my erotic writing is not always about the sex, but about providing healing for things that have affected myself and my readers on very deep levels. Keeping that in mind, I anxiously posted the poem on my blog, The Wylde Syde, and shared the link on my Twitter account.

What occurred afterward shook me to the core and caused me to relive many of the memories about which I was intending to purge. I received several Direct Messages attacking not only my poem, but my intentions behind sharing it. I was called names and accused of just wanting attention, but the worst accusations were these three:

“You are a disgusting cunt that probably deserved whatever your father did to you!”

“What a fucking slut you are! You will burn in hell!”

 But the worst accusation and attacks said this: “You WHORE! If I were your father, I would have raped you over and over until you lie bleeding on the floor. In fact, SLUT! Someone should do that to you now!” 

I did not save screenshots of these, but I remember their words because I could not stop reading them. I simply could not believe that anyone would write such vicious words to someone who obviously suffered extreme abuse and incest from her father. 

I did have the insight to report these jerks, but blocked them right away. I wish I had remembered to take screenshots for the police, but I reacted and deleted them. 

I did contact a friend who is a police chief in a nearby town, and with his help, have contacted Twitter. It seems that they can access their database to find them anyway, so I will pursue it from there. So, if these guys are reading this blog post now, I have a message for you!

You left your footprint in Twitter records, and you will be found! The jerk that wrote the third message will be pursued for cyber bullying and as a threat. You will be found!

Now, with that all being said, I removed the link to the post last night and took a step back. My first instinct was to leave Twitter altogether and never write the way I write any longer. But many of my friends and followers stood up for me even without knowing the full language or what was written. They encouraged me to keep going.

After a night of tears and hurt turning to anger and resolve, I refuse to let these guys take away my dream of sharing myself with people. I refuse to let just a few put me back into a cowering position out of which I have fought so hard to climb. I write this blog this evening and share the link to the poem as an InYourFace, KissMyAss, TakeThat attitude. 

For my friends and fans, I say:

DO NOT let bullies have their way! Be strong and fight back! That’s what I’m doing!