Music has always defined the moments in my life, and I have
always found my voice in music. It
conveys my feelings in ways that no other medium can. It defines love found, romance and fire,
anger, frustration, and in this case, the loss of someone I cared deeply
about.
He came into my life less than a year ago, unforeseen and
unplanned. There seemed to be an instant
connection, and even though we lived thousands of miles apart, our
conversations seemed to be between two people that had known each other for a
long time. He was kind, strong, and
attentive, and someone with whom I wanted to share every part of me. And I did – I trusted him with my heart and
feelings like I had trusted no one else in my life.
I desired a Dom in my life, and he provided the care,
protection, and strength I craved. I was
new to this Dom/sub lifestyle, but he was a patient teacher. I tried so hard to be the sub he needed as
well. He said he loved me – he said he
would always be there for me. And I
believed him.
Through unforeseen circumstances, each and every trip
planned was blocked. The first was on
his side. The second came from my side,
and even though he said he understood, I felt his feelings change. He became withdrawn and cold and only
contacted me to give me tasks to perform for him. No more words of love and care – no more
heart.
I stayed loyal believing that my love and loyalty and trust
were enough. They weren’t. He planned for one more trip, but this time
it was not to meet me and show me love.
It was for punishment and to gratify his own desires, even though he
said it was for mine. His actions spoke
volumes, or rather his lack of words and actions. I wasn’t sure of one task he had planned for
me, and he had always said I could ask questions. I did, but it conveyed a disrespect for him
as my Sir. He released me – not officially,
but through cutting me off from any communication with him.
And now, I sit wondering how everything changed so
drastically. I never cancelled my
flight, but did this morning. The music?
Well, this is what conveys my feelings, and even though he
may never read or understand, it is through this song that I say my final
goodbye – something that he could not do.
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